Disclaimer: the following is a satirical response to world events. REMI Network is not aware that any such organization or advocacy exists.
Ontario officials are being urged to consider renaming the province to Superior so that it will continue to align with a Great Lake on all international maps. Unanimous consent from provincial residents would be required before such a step, but the global non-governmental organization, Hydro-Heritage Overseers (H2O), is calling for an immediate referendum to gauge support for a future referendum on adopting a new moniker.
The demand comes after the United States executive branch renamed the body of water known as Lake Ontario, in discord with the historically established practice of every other country and territory in the world. While that action has commonly been interpreted as peevish retribution for the recent breakdown of Canada-U.S. trade negotiations, H2O executive director, O. Sean Wyde, speculates that other submerged grievances are surfacing.
“It doesn’t sit well with some egos that the American Falls are kind of nondescript next to Horseshoe Falls so this presents an opportunity to stake out a more impressive namesake,” he maintains. “It might look like going off the deep end, but it could be a prestige gambit calculated to catch a convenient wave.”
Wyde concedes that H2O is floating a proposal with a riptide of ensuing complications, but he argues it’s worthwhile to consult Ontarians. “They’d be Superiorans if this went through, and a proactive claim now would block Michigan from trying to do it later.”” he notes.
H2O is also advocating for a new international convention on Great Lakes nomenclature. That would include the prerequisite that petitioners for a name change would first have to swim across the lake in question.
