The ESG Action Council is rebranding in an effort to broaden its appeal to prospective stakeholders. The organization, which will now be known as the Coordinating Office for Various Early and Responsive Tactics (COVERT), promises to uphold its commitment to sustainability, climate risk resilience, diversity, equity and inclusion and responsible governance, but not explicitly.

“We’re still urging our members to walk the talk, while imploring them not to talk the walk,” reports Tim Idmore, COVERT’s executive director. “The old acronym conveniently aligns with our new resolve to enjoy silent gains. It’s more strategic and arguably more alluring to potential recruits if we can cultivate the mystique of a secret society.”

Earlier today, COVERT released a revised glossary of terms to help adherents navigate the evolving lexicon. Resource perpetuation (formerly known as sustainability) professionals are advised to employ neutral language, emphasize financial and operational efficiency paybacks, and steer clear of provocative claims about the benefits of scientific reasoning.

“We want to inspire goals, not trolls,” says Freya DeCat, chair of the trigger word identification and substitution taskforce (TWIST) that spearheaded the glossary update. “Why preach to the choir when you can send a secure, encrypted signal?”

In addition to “resource perpetuation”, the COVERT glossary endorses the following replacements:

• DEI = human capital;
• climate change mitigation and adaptation = resilience;
• emissions reduction = utilities and materials rationalization;
• renewable energy = above-ground and atomic-activated fuels; and
• green = SCCBY, a catchy acronym for secondary colour composed of blue and yellow.

Climate value at risk will continue to be known as climate value at risk because it was already a muddled term with the attributive adjective attached to the wrong noun.